Wellbeing
with Dr Charmaine Saunders
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Wellbeing with Dr Charmaine Saunders |
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Newsletter
OCTOBER, 2012
Well, I'm a year older. All I can think about is that Saturn is leaving Libra on Saturday. We've had a tortuous 3 years with the grim taskmaster and I'll be glad to say goodbye. Your turn next, Scorpio. I've had the one giant health challenge to deal with since 2010 but other Librans I know have really been through the mill.
Anyway, I had a very pleasant birthday, especially the influx of calls and emails with such an outpouring of warmth, praise and affection that I felt really touched. Work has been very heavy since the beginning of August, even counselling on Saturdays, so taking the day off on my birthday followed by a long weekend was the best part. I've been getting very tired. No other news on the health front. I've been taking MSM powder which has helped a lot with the body pain.
My furry friend, Robbie, came to stay for a week during September. As always, he brought tremendous joy and fun, except to Coco, the cat! I have had some new energy during the month which is most welcome, and has been needed! I have a lot planned in October including a dolphin river cruise and dinner with my aunt, Elsie, on Tuesday in Mandurah which is about a 40 minute trip south of Perth. It'll be good to have a change of scene as I haven't had a proper holiday for about 2 years. Mind you, my work is like one long holiday as I love it so much.
CONVENTION
The Friday before my birthday, I travelled through a terrible gale with slashing rain, poor visibility, slippery roads and puddles to go to a Farmers' convention! where I was invited to speak about communication in relationships. I took a light-hearted approach and the talk was well received. Several guys bought books from me and were candid about their communication inadequacies. I was most impressed.
My next talk is at the Conscious living expo on Oct 21. It's at the Claremont showgrounds so do turn up if you can. I'm on at 5 p.m. and will be speaking on Empowerment.
POEM
A client attended a funeral recently and was most taken with this poem that was read out - hope you like it too.
`I read of a man who stood to speak
CARD
On the same subject, one of my birthday cards had this beautiful piece from Mother Teresa:
BIG NEWS
I'm finally going broadband! No rush, I've only been planning to for 2 years or so. My dial-up has been driving me crazy lately so it gave me the push to phone Dodo and organise to change over. They offered me a very good deal and in a week or so, my new email address will be drchar@dodo.com.au. I'll keep my iinet address on for an extra month or two till everyone's been notified. I hate change! but this one is really necessary. You can always contact me at dearchar@hotmail.com, anyway, which is a permanent address.
QUOTE
`You might be deceived if you trust too much but you'll live in torment if you trust too little.'
Frank Crane
Well, Spring has sprung here but enjoy October wherever you are.
With love,
SEPT. 2012
August was a busy month. It's been a quiet year really but the energy around me changed at the beginning of last month. There's been extra work plus a pile of other small but time-consuming things taking up my time. It's been a very icy winter by Perth's standards. There's been a lot of nasty flu" too, people even dying from it. Pleased to say I've not caught anything going around and my last ultrasound was clear so I'm doing well. I did however pull a muscle in my back last week and it was agony! I could barely walk without screaming but after a few days of pain-killers, pain cream and heat massage, it settled down. A friend put me onto MSM powder and that has helped a lot. I recommend it.
Workwise, things are improving too - I've had several speaking invitations, positive feedback re. writing and some new clients. I've also been included in the latest "Who's Who in Australia" directory. Being self-employed is a bit of a roller-coaster but I've long since learned how to hang on for the ride.
Haven't been out much but a friend bought me a ticket to see "The Mousetrap" as an early birthday present. I've wanted to see this play all my life and finally got to - very enjoyable, and no, I can't reveal the ending!
LIVING LIFE
I gave a talk for a group of retirees yesterday, It was supposed to be about stress management but indirectly, I sneaked in a couple of lectures about being happy, laughing more and trusting/not worrying - all my fave topics! It brought to mind some song lyrics that I love, one from an old song - "Enjoy yourself; it's later than you think, the years go by as quickly as a wink." The other comes from one of my most beloved songwriters whose 1970s alnum, "Tapestry" meant a lot to me at the time; I nearly wore out the vinyl playing it over and over. Every song on it has fantastic lyrics. One that comes to mind in the context of being happy is - "You've got to wake up every morning with a smile on your face and show the world all the love in your heart. People gonna treat you better and you'll find you're beautiful as you feel.'
Check out this album now available on CD, if you don't know it - it's by the wonderful Carole King.
I read recently that Meryl Streep says to her children that she would kick their butt if they ever said they were bored because life is a gift and I loved the last part of her quote "Go eat it up!"
Great advice for all of us.
NOVA
September's issue is out and here's a piece of my column as usual - it's on "Loving without borders"
FEAR
The greatest enemy of living life fully is fear. Fear is an illusion built from past experiences, negative input from others, a faulty belief system, lack of self-confidence, and lack of trust. Without faith in God, Self, Life, existence is intolerable, like living in a void. That's the source of the hopelessness that many people feel which in turn leads to addictions, depression, anxiety and even suicide. There are many real issues in the world today that can engender fear but to focus on them merely fuels the bad feelings, creating more. Good feelings multiply as do scary, black ones. We live in a society that relishes bad news, scoffing at feel-good stories. Why? Because we're afraid to believe. Afraid to be let down, to look the fool, to be hurt. Much safer to be cynical and expect the worst. Too many of us stay in jobs we hate, in dead marriages, in miserable silences, in dark despair because we're too afraid to break out, take a chance - and trust! We learn early in life that happiness is not a constant, that ups and downs are to be expected so we're always bracing ourselves for the after-shocks of good times, full of fear instead of enjoying what we have when we have it.
Where do these fears come from? They are often a knee-jerk reaction to disappointments and past hurts. We become afraid to expect the best in life. It's safer to cling to outworn, unproductive but familiar ideas and attitudes. That's why change is often so threatening. Many people have been hurt, disillusioned and let downthrough trusting but it's not love that fails, just specific situations. Trust takes courage but a life without intimacy is pretty empty. Trusting and loving requires the bringing down of borders.
When it comes to very personal areas like sexuality and relationships, our fears really come to the fore. Family background has a lot to do with whether we are demonstrative and affectionate in our interaction with others and whether we are able to share closeness. Even hugging is fearful for some people. We need to allow other people emotional space but still help them to open up bit by bit. If we are the ones that are allowing fear to cripple our spontaneity and joy, sabotage our happiness and put up barriers between ourselves and those we love, it's up to us to release these fears. Borders can just as easily be physical as emotional, as when people lock themselves away from life, from risk, from threat, as if staying in a room or even a house can really keep us safe. Safety, like fear, exists in the mind.
NEGATIVE THINKING
Positive thinking creates a positive life.
What is the opposite to positivity? Negativity! Our society abounds in this commodity, especially in the current climate of fear, insecurity and uncertainty. It's very hard to stay positive in the light of such a powerful onslaught. It's about living bravely and choosing one's own perspective when faced with life's darker side.
True positive thinking is more than just being optimistic. It's living life in a frame of mind that defies all problems and difficulties. Cliche it may be but "the glass half empty or half full" analogy does sum up the philosophy very well. Two people can look at that same object or event and see two totally different situations depending on perspective.
Before we can consider changing from negative to positive beings, we need to understand the nature of the former. The reason why most people walking around find it preferable to be negative is that it's far more comfortable, safer and less threatening. Negativity is related to fear and the need to control. Positivity is about trust and the belief that life is good. But to trust is to risk. Many are afraid to let go in case life throws them unwanted surprises and the proverbial curve-ball. It is positive to be at peace with oneself - ultimately positive, in fact.
Negative thinking is a whole different thing and not at all desirable. When you find yourself falling into that trap, make a conscious effort to catch yourself, change the thought immediately to a positive one or, if you can't do that, neutralise it at least, for example, if you think - "I can't do that," a positive replacement would, of course, be "Yes, I can" but if you're by nature a negative thinker, start with, "I'm not going to think that." Gradually, you can train yourself right out of negative thinking by never judging yourself but continually neutralising it till it becomes second-nature."
FACEBOOK
I encountered the dark face of FB last week. I don't use it but I recently joined my cousin's recipes group as I love to cook. I reached out to another member with some ideas and for my trouble, I got a barrage of abuse. It turned out the "woman" was a man. I was more shocked than upset but my cousin responded swiftly and very effectively by posting a warning that any person being personal or abusive would be removed from the group. Another member emailed to say that a lot of people on FB like to put people down to make themselves feel big. It's equivalent to schoolyard bullying, as far as I'm concerned - luckily, I don't rely on others for my self-esteem.
BLUE MOON
We had a blue moon last Friday so if you had any unexpected occurence in your life, good or bad, that's the reason. I had the pulled muscle and FB incident, a close friend was given 3 weeks" notice at work without warning and the daughter of an ex-client of mine died suddenly from a stroke at 45! I hope whatever happened to you was better! A timely reminder though that no-one promised us a tomorrow so we'd best make the most of the day and the moment. Love without borders and eat life up!
FORUMS
Momentum is running a series of forums called "Transform your life," starting with "Understanding depression" on September 13 at the Hyatt hotel in Perth. 9I will be speaking at an upcoming forum but if you're unterested in this first one, please ph. 1300 665321
QUOTE
"None of us need to look for love because love is all around us. What else sends our breath in and out of our body? What else causes each tree to grow, each bird to fly, each human heart to beat? We are the products of love, every one of us. The great cosmic Creator had nothing but love to share with us all when he brought us here in the first place. Put that kind of love first now, and all other kinds will come."
Jonathan Cainer
Wow, I had so much to share this month. It might take you the rest of the month to read it all. Anyway, lots of good advice from others that I've passed on. Hope you enjoy it.
September promises to be very busy for me with lots of social things planned and of course, my birthday on the 28th - yay! I'm a kid about birthdays.
Until next month, remember to enjoy every day.
Charmaine
JULY, 2011
As predicted last month, June did prove to be much pleasanter though the last few days have been a bit of a strain. We've just been through an eclipse season which can bring tension plus I think I've been going through SAD - seasonal adjustment disorder. It normally happens earlier in the year but as we had such a late summer and only now getting autumnal/winter weather, it's been delayed. I get it every autumn and spring but only realise it when it's already upon me. It's like a heaviness, weariness and flatness all rolled into one. As this is so unlike my usual mood, it's very noticeable once it starts. Luckily, it doesn't last very long. On a happier note, the vertigo was confirmed to be caused by a virus and has now abated. At my last specialist appointment, I got the all-clear and don't have to have another check-up till October. Yay! That's the best part.
Thank you so much to all of you who responded to my request for info on vertigo. It helped a lot to know what others have experienced, especially when I still wasn't sure what had caused it. Like many people, I've had a very challenging year but it's only strengthened my faith in myself and the goodness of life even during the dark times.
CONFERENCE
I'm speaking at the WIN global women's summit on July 30 here in Perth. It was supposed to be in Sydney and when I had the vertigo, I was worried I wouldn't be able to go but as the organiser operates from Perth, it's been relocated. It's a whole-day seminar with a range of speakers covering topics that affect women today. I urge you to attend if you are in Perth at that time. It will be a very special event. My talk is at 1.30 and it's going to be on living without limitations. Of all the topics I could've chosen, I felt this was the most important. I'd love to see many of you there. Please contact Lesley for full details and bookings on gwsperth2011@gmail.com and this is the link for the web page - http://globalwomenssummits.com/perth-australia
Speaking of WIN, I have started my regular recordings as a radio host for them so check it out at www.winonline.com
BIRTHDAY
A close friend turned 50 yesterday and I organised a birthday surprise lunch for her. I've been planning it for many weeks and it's been surprisingly complicated and stressful because it had to be so tightly planned. I tend to put myself under a lot of pressure with these events so that they run perfectly. Anyway, it did go very well. I booked a private room in a restaurant and told her I was just taking her out for lunch. The guests were all waiting in the room and she got a real surprise! She's been superb during my recent health problems and I wanted to give her a special day. The food was lovely, especially the cake, she got some great gifts and a good time was had by all, most importantly, the birthday girl. Many, many warm wishes, Chrissie!
LIVE EXPORTS
I've always been against live animal exports because I think it's unbelievably cruel but a few weeks ago, Australia's `4 corners' programme filmed a shock doco inside one of Indonesia's abattoirs and it was so horrendous that 200,000 signatures were gathered in 3 days and delivered to Parliament house. To my great amazement and joy, the Australian government banned the export of live cattle to Indonesia effective immediately! I was so happy when I heard about it, you'd think I'd won the lottery. It was a red-letter day, a victory of humanity over money for a change. I hope this is just the first step to stopping the live trade altogether.
JOKE
I promised to share some jokes with you in the newsletter. This is one of my favorites that came through online from a friend -
Ten Dollar Dog.
BELIEF
Here's an extract from my Nova article on Belief:
SELF-DOUBT
This is the greatest enemy and hindrance to any kind of belief in life. It is much easier to practise because you will be supported by all the negativity around you. To stand firm in the light and believe when all the evidence proves you wrong - that takes real courage. We doubt ourselves because we don't value our own judgement. We flounder when life throws challenges our way, as it always will. We lurch from one bad decision to another, caught in a vortex of emotion and confusion. We hand over our power to others, too afraid to think for ourselves in case we're wrong. Some caution in decision-making is prudent but if we allow ourselves to be immobilised by doubt, we'd never do anything at all.
The best way to overcome self-doubt is to practise working with inner wisdom, listening in the silence to the voice within which can never lead us wrong. The mind is full of faulty information and the heart will lead us only to our fleeting desires but intuition is linked to the God-force and thus, contains only truth. Self-doubt, like fear, is crippling, and leads to an empty, unfulfilled existence. Indecision, too, is very stressful. Once you've
thought a matter through, trust yourself enough to act. Dithering and procrastinating will only add to the doubt.
It's all connected to self-esteem. Arrogance is not to be recommended but simple self-value and calm resolve most definitely is.
CORE BELIEFS
These are the deep-seated beliefs garnered in childhood. We can gain them in a number of ways - what we hear, see, receive, don't get, pick up from what is implied. By the time we go to school, we have literally thousands of beliefs tucked away in our subconscious, and they range from the basics of life like home, family, love, marriage, work, money to minor issues such as types of food. Some therapists liken the storage of these beliefs to carrying them around in an invisible suitcase; I like to say we carry them inside us as a series of images like flash cards, which we use as terms of reference on our journey through life. If something occurs that doesn't match the picture, it takes us out of our comfort zone, and we either reject it at the start or wreck it later. To illustrate, here's an example in the area of relationships - let's say a girl grew up in a family where she saw continual fighting. Her belief about marriage will be that it involves continual fighting! If she meets a guy from a similar background and they date then marry, they will probably have a long, lasting marriage full of --- continual fighting. However, if she meets someone calm and placid who doesn't want to argue and fight, she might be attracted to him at first and even love the peacefulness but, after a while, it will cause an itch she just has to scratch. She will gradually become so uncomfortable within the relationship, she will have to either leave or stay and sabotage it by provoking what she believes is inevitable - fighting. You see, it's a vicious circle which can only be broken by understanding how core beliefs work and identifying one's own. This is not simple, unfortunately. By the very nature of core beliefs, they are buried deep. They were learned subconsciously so they have to be released subconsciously. However, there is hope! Core beliefs can be unearthed by looking at the physical reality of your world - what does it look like? Taking the five key areas of life - home, relationships, money, health and work - do you have a home that is a comfortable haven? are your relationships positive and healthy? do you suffer from financial woes? are you in good health? Do you do work you love? Usually, there will be one negative area that stands out. Mine this as a rich source of information about your belief structure. For example, if you are always ill, what is your belief about health? Did you have a constantly sick parent? Did you get sick as a child to get attention? What negative ideas might you be holding about health/illness? Trace it back and, like an unbroken thread from the past, it will lead you straight to the answer.
So, belief is the foundation of everything we do. When our lives are not working well, we need to look to the cause from within ourselves. Ask yourself - what belief led me to this place, this relationship, this decision, this mess, etc? If I asked you for a definition of love, you'd probably say it's a warm feeling towards another, caring, contributing towards the happiness of others and so on. But your core belief about love might be quite different. Perhaps you learned in childhood that love hurts, love traps, love disappoints, love fails, love leaves. How then might you choose relationships? How then could you be happy? It's powerful stuff and most of us are walking around totally unaware of how we're being driven by this belief system which, in turn, creates the patterns we live by. That's why we keep repeating the same mistakes, the same self-defeating habits, the same harmful behaviours. The desire to learn more about core beliefs is a good start but it will take patience and effort to uncover them bit by bit. It's probably impossible to ever reach down into the deeper recesses of the mind and know everything about ourselves but it's worth getting as much as we can. Knowledge is power and awareness is crucial to mental wellbeing.
The most important core belief of all is the one we hold about ourselves. If you have a negative self-belief, it will permeate into every facet of your daily life whether you know it or not. You can't be successful if your internal image is of yourself as a loser. As with relationships, you might be all right for a while but somehow, you'll spoil things and be left wondering why, like people who break up from a lovely relationship out of fear. Risk is easy when you have nothing but terrifying when you get something you really want and there's a chance you might lose it. So people jump ship prematurely to avoid the risk of loss or rejection. I find all this terribly sad because it is completely avoidable.
DETACHMENT
What has this got to do with belief? It goes back to trust. Trust must be 100% or it really isn't trust. As I said at the start of this article, I live by an extreme form of trust and it has never failed me. Fear is the antithesis of trust. When you truly trust, there can be no fear. One cancels the other out. That's why I'm not afraid about my health. That's not to say bad things can't happen to me but even if they do, there's a good reason for it. It has something to teach me, a lesson, a gift so how can I not be accepting and grateful?
Detachment is part of this process because trust requires that we step out of emotion and observe our own experiences almost as a stranger would. I learnt about trust and detachment from Florence Scovel-Shinn who wrote `The Game of life,' a life-changing book for me. These are not attributes that came easily to me, but in embracing them, I have found a peace and acceptance I never knew I was capable of. People often ask me if I'm a Buddhist and I have to say, in fact, I'm not religious at all but many of the Buddhist tenets are life-affirming, the practice of which brings inner peace and spiritual love for all, the importance of which we saw in last month's Compassion theme.
My message in departing this theme is - always be brave. We are powerful beyond measure and happiness is available to us as a constant. It's nothing we have to earn or manufacture. We attract what we believe so believe good things.
QUOTE
Life will throw you some curve balls. You have 2 choices. Bitch about curve balls or learn how to hit a home run off one.
Till next month,
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Copyright © 2003 - 2006 Charmaine Saunders and licensors. All rights reserved.
